Example: Getting turned down

If you ask someone at your school to go to a movie with you and you get turned you down, you might have the non-personal thought, “The kids at my school are all the same, they never like me, and they're not worth my time.” Although you are mad, you know that you are really down about being rejected. You may feel like this person did not give you a chance, but also that you weren't good enough for her/him. Thinking that you were not good enough for her/him is your personal thought.

If you tried to think of a statement that begins with “I,” you might say, “I feel really down about this. I feel like no one wants to spend time with me, and I am just not good enough to have any friends.” You are blaming yourself.

You cannot change the choices other people make, but you can work on and change personal beliefs once you know what they are and how they lead you astray. For example, instead of the negative non-personal (“they're not worth my time”) and personal (“I'm not good enough”) thoughts, you could form the counter-thought, “I'm disappointed about this, and while not everyone at school is going to like me, there are a lot of other people who do.”

Negative thoughts are unhelpful. Dwelling too much on feeling bad and feeling rejected can actually drive other people away.

If you started keeping your own mood diary in the previous modules remember to use these ideas and see how they affect your mood.