How do I choose how to act?

The big question is: How can you replace the behaviors that make up an avoidance pattern?

You can use the ACTION method (Assess, Choose, Try, Integrate, Observe the result, Never give up).

ACTION:

• Assess: Think about the situation you're in. What is your real goal? What do you really want? How do you wish you could change a difficult situation?
• Choose: What do you need to do to get there? What is the best thing you can do in this situation? Don't be afraid to brainstorm or to ask for advice if you need it. You can choose a new behavior even if you know it might be hard, stressful, or even a little frightening.
• Try: Once you know what you want to do, the important thing is to go out and do it. Make yourself do it even if it'll be uncomfortable at first. With time, the behavior will get easier to do as you realize that it won't have the horrible consequences you used to worry about.
• Integrate: Make this new behavior a habit. Make a point of responding with your new behavior whenever the old trigger comes up. This is the best way to make the behavior easier to do and get good results. If you integrate better behaviors into your life, you'll make your life better.
• Observe the result: Watch carefully and objectively to see how your new behavior turns out. If it didn't turn out so well, try to brainstorm other new behaviors you can try that might work better, and then start again. If your new behavior does work, then congratulations! Make sure to let yourself enjoy the good results so you can see the benefits of making it a regular part of your life.
• Never give up: The first new behaviors you try might not work. You may have to brainstorm again and try different solutions. But don't give up; just because one new behavior doesn't work doesn't mean that you're doomed to failure. Be patient and practical, and don't be afraid to try new things. If you try you'll always find more success than if you just give up.