Step Five: Look at specific incidents

• Try to be as specific as you can when talking to the other person about the conflict. Avoid using “always” and “never.”
• If you are having trouble figuring out what has gone wrong with other conversations, write down what happened, what you said, and what the other person said.
• Think about when you began to feel bad.

Imagine that you had tried the calm, cool and direct approach at that point. Would you have ended up feeling better?