What causes relationship conflicts?

In general, relationship conflicts result when the two people involved want or expect something different from one another. Sometimes individuals have goals that conflict. At other times, individuals see themselves competing for the same goal. Maybe two people want the same thing, but can't communicate well enough to achieve it.

For example, Bill and Ron are brothers who share a bedroom. Ron wants to keep the room clean but Bill thinks that cleaning is a waste of time. This difference in expectations can cause problems. The conflict might be easily worked out with a compromise. However, in some situations compromise won't work. For example, Ron and Bill agreed to share some of the chores such as doing laundry, but lately Bill hasn't been keeping his part of the agreement. The laundry is piling up; Ron thinks he'll have to go ahead and do it which makes him angry. (And yet if Ron doesn't do the laundry soon there won't be any more clean clothes, a situation that neither brother wants.)

In another example, Susan and Natasha enjoy going out together to a neighborhood skating rink. Susan likes to flirt with and meet guys at the rink. Natasha prefers to spend time skating together as friends and doesn't like meeting guys that way. However, Natasha does not speak her mind and goes along with what Susan wants, which usually means that Natasha doesn't get to do much skating. One of the reasons she doesn't discuss her opinions is that Susan gets mad when Natasha disagrees. This difference in expectations-and the difficulty in talking about them-can cause problems.